Money Really Can Buy Happiness

I know we’ve all heard the saying “money won’t buy happiness,” and it’s always accompanied by some story about a poor man who is happy because he’s grateful for what he has and he has a good family and so much love, and some story on the opposite end of a wealthy person who is unhappy.

I’m sure we’ve also all heard the opposing view, where someone says money can buy happiness because it can buy things that can make life easier.

I’m firmly somewhere in the middle. Both sides have a point. A lot about happiness is learning to appreciate what you have, especially the love of family and friends. But, that’s not enough. And here’s where the other side comes in…

It doesn’t matter how much love you have or how grateful you are for what you have, if some of your basic needs aren’t met. Look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which go something like: Physiological Needs (breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing, etc) —> Safety and Security (health, employment, property, family, and social ability, etc) —> Love and Belonging (family, friendship, intimacy, sense of connection, etc) —> Self-Esteem (confidence, achievement, respect of others, the need to be an individual, etc) —> Self-Actualization (morality, creativity, spontaneity, acceptance, experience purpose, meaning, and inner potential, etc). They need to be met in order, so if one of the lower needs aren’t met before a higher need, it doesn’t matter that the higher need is met.

Now, the lowest needs are almost entirely needs that require money… that is shelter, clothing, drinkable water, food… already we’re seeing how money really can buy happiness.

Look at the next need: Safety and Security… again, quite a few of these require money: health, employment (car to get to work, and buy nice clothes, and now even a computer to work on or find a job with), property, family (weddings, get-togethers, babies, children, etc all require money, to some extent… even just getting married in a courthouse can cost you money over time depending on you and your spouse’s financial situation prior to marriage), social ability (eating out with friends, even just having friends over costs money in the long run).

The next one is something a lot of neurodivergent people struggle with, that money could go some way to resolve, and that’s Love and Belonging. So many Neurodivergent people go through life feeling different, not able to keep friendships or relationships, not feeling like they truly belong… until they find the Neurodivergent community. However, for so many who can’t afford health insurance or the cost of therapy/counseling… they’ll spend their whole lives not knowing who their people are. With the rise of bloggers and social media influencers, neurodivergent people have come out into the open more and started educating people, but so many are still getting missed because of misconceptions and lack of supports. And this is making love and connection and a sense of belonging something out of reach for primarily people of color and poor people.

And lastly there is self-esteem (how others view you and how you believe they see you, which again can be influenced by money…) and self-actualization. At this point, if you can’t afford any of the lower tiers, I doubt you’d have time for the highest tier: creativity (which also costs money, depending on what you want to create), inner potential (schooling and learning can cost a lot of money, and time!), and morality (when you’re faced with the choice of starving or stealing or doing something else morally wrong just to eat… do you really have the ability to have “morals”?)

For me, personally: I have the bottom tier met, currently (but aren’t we all only a paycheck or two away from not having them met?) However, the second tier is where I start to hit snags. I’m not mentally or physically healthy. I have so many health issues I haven’t even been able to deal with because of money and time and other medical or mental health issues. We have lots of stuff, but not enough space for what we need. And although we have family nearby, we’re also quite far from other family members we wish we could see more often, and although we have friends we have no time to see them and get together because of work and other obligations. Then comes Love and Belonging. I have a husband who loves me and daughters and amazing in-laws and my parents and siblings… but I’ve always felt different, and although I was diagnosed as ADD (now ADHD) in college, there wasn’t as much known about it at the time and I didn’t consider that it could be why I felt different from everyone else. I also haven’t been able to get an autism diagnosis. Thankfully I’ve found community in online groups on Facebook, but if I didn’t have them I would be spiraling and overwhelmed more than I am now with no idea why. Given all of that, no wonder I struggle with the top two tiers: self-esteem and self-actualization. I don’t have my other needs met, so how would I meet my needs of feeling confident and able and creative?

Money can and does buy happiness, in the form of services and practical life skills and belongings, and property, and the ability to find where you belong. Not in the inconsequential things people tend to think of, like expensive clothes and jewelry and cars… but in the ability to hire someone to help you clean your house because you can’t, and hire someone to help you work through your trauma and help you find a community where you can belong, and help you buy the things to make memories with your children and family. These are the important things in life, and if you’re in poverty, they most likely aren’t being met. So, no matter how grateful I am for what I do have… there is just still so much I need that I don’t have, and no amount of saying or trying to convince myself of how grateful I am for what I do have will convince me or others that I am truly happy and truly have everything I need. Because I don’t.

And that’s how money really does buy happiness.