You Are 110% Worthy

It’s a struggle feeling like you’re worthy of anything when you don’t live up to neurotypical standards.

What I mean by this, is it’s hard to feel adequate when all I see on mom groups is that as a stay at home mom I should be doing all the housework and childcare while my husband works. The truth is that’s just not going to happen. I’m just not able to handle childcare, and my self-care, and the household stuff all at once.

And, I tend to go in cycles. Some days I do ALL the self-care, but my kids are playing on their own or watching their screens all day. Other days the tv and tablet never get turned on because I’m playing with the kids all day, but I’m not taking care of myself and the house is a disaster because I didn’t clean the table after our snacks and meals or pick up toys when we’re done playing with them. Still other days, I don’t get anything done… for myself or the house or with my girls.

Slowly but surely I’m coming up with strategies to help me accomplish my goals, but it’s a very slow process. And a lot of trial and error. And even when I notice that something works for me, it takes time to make it a habit or add it to my routine. I try to do it all at once and unfortunately I fail every time, because I just don’t work like that.

I found that using Finch (a self-care app) has helped me start a routine of taking care of myself. And using Fabulous (a habit tracking/creating app) helped me start to set up good routines and habits. But if I fall off at all for any reason it’s like I’m starting all over again the next day.

One thing I have found helpful is joining groups that help me feel like I’m not alone. Groups for DSPS (delayed-sleep-phase-syndrome), moms with ADHD, homeschooling moms with ADHD (because I want to homeschool), parenting groups for parents who are neurodivergent. There are so many good groups out there! You just need to find them. And, at least for me, it helps me feel like I’m not alone in my struggles.

Last, but most importantly, my husband is really my biggest and greatest support. He not only picks up the slack around the house without complaint, he also comforts me when I feel like I’m not enough, reminds me I am enough, and reminds me that he chose me and would choose me over and over again.

In fact, today I haven’t done much but play Wylde Flowers on our new Nintendo Switch and scroll social media. I’ve been so overwhelmed. Meanwhile, he has single-handedly managed to empty and load and run the dishwasher, clean off the table twice, made every meal (even brought me dinner in bed), played with the kids, and ran at least one if not two loads of laundry through both the washer and dryer. Realizing this, I felt so terrible that I haven’t done anything all day. I told him he’d be better off without me, but he told me he didn’t want anyone else. He only wants me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.

So, just remember: you are worthy. You don’t need to live up to neurotypical standards. You can be amazing, and struggle with housework and all the other “adulting” skills. I may not be good at housework, but I am a good mom and a good wife, and a good friend. I’m a good homemaker and decorator. There’s more to life than housework and “adulting”. You’ve got this!