The Neurodivergent Homemaker

ADHD and Follow Through

One thing I’ve always struggled with is following through on my goals, dreams, promises, chores and anything else you could think of that I could fail at following through on.

Society would call this irresponsible or flakey. Someone who can’t follow through is someone you can’t trust. But here’s the thing: I’ve always wanted to follow through. If I don’t follow through it’s not because I’m lazy or just don’t care. In fact, I probably beat myself up worse than anyone else could. And yet, growing up I heard all the time that I was lazy, irresponsible, and untrustworthy.

I learned to internalize all these words people used to describe me and believed I was all these things, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change. So, I believed there was nothing I could do. I would just always be lazy and irresponsible.

And then I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 20, while in college. At the time I didn’t bother researching ADD, but in the last year or two I’ve really begun to follow ADHD YouTubers and instagrammers and I’ve connected with other moms who also have ADHD. I learned that ADD is no longer the correct term and that we’re all just ADHD, but there are three types of ADHD. I’ve learned that I’m probably ADHD combined type (the other two types being ADHD inattentive type and ADHD hyperactive type.

As I’ve been learning more about my brain, I’ve learned ways of combatting the way my brain works so that I can function in our society. I’ve learned about setting up my environment to help rather than hinder me. I’ve learned that I do best with open storage that allows me to see everything (because my mind is very much an out of sight out of mind type of mind).

And most importantly I’ve learned that my inability to follow through is likely because my brain craves dopamine and new experiences and ideas. If something bores me, I won’t do it, and it’s very hard to force myself to do it. None of this makes me lazy or irresponsible. It just means that my brain thinks differently so I have to do things differently than most people.

These days, now that I’m medicated, and learning about myself, and learning strategies I’m doing much better, but there are still days where I’m lucky if the kids are fed on time and I’ve brushed my teeth once that day. You win some, you lose some. But each day, week, month, and year at least I can say I’m getting better, slowly but surely. And I can remind myself that I’m not lazy, irresponsible, or untrustworthy… my brain just thinks differently.

Summer Bucketlist with Littles

As many of you know, I am still healing from knee surgery. As such, I’m not able to do as much as I’d like to… like go to the coast, or go hiking. Those will have to wait until next year. This year, I’m going simple but fun. Activities I can do without full mobility. Without further ado, here is our summer bucketlist:

1. Go to story time at the library

2. Movie day with friends

3. Go to the zoo (this one we’ll do in August, and hopefully I’ll be able to walk well enough to enjoy it, but if not I plan on renting a scooter or wheelchair)

It’s not a long list, but hey, I’m still recovering from a major surgery. I’ll be happy if I’m just back to full range of motion without pain by the end of summer. Happy summer!

3 Apps I Love and Use

One thing I struggle with on a daily basis is setting up a routine and sticking to it. The thing is, I want a routine. It sounds amazing to me. But I can’t ever seem to stick to one. These apps help me set up and follow through with routines, and have become something I use on a daily basis.

1. Finch

About a month ago, I heard about a self-care app called Finch. This has been a game changer for me. I love opening it and checking on my little buddy and sending her on adventures and talking to her after. This has become a major part of my daily routine.

2. Fabulous

I haven’t been using this one quite as long. It is a routine builder app. It walks you through slowly building a routine. I use this one to create habits and routines for mornings right now. I love that it helps me remember to do the important things like drink water and eat a balanced breakfast. I’m about a week into using it, and so far I have four daily goals for my morning.

Fabulous app morning routine for July 10, 2022

3. Fitbit

This one is more than just an app, but I absolutely love my Fitbit app that I use with my Fitbit luxe. It’s great for tracking water intake, exercise, steps per day, and my personal favorite: sleep. I have always been a night owl. I struggle falling asleep before 1am. But as a mom of two girls I don’t really have that option. My watch and this app help me determine how much sleep I’m getting on average and track it without needing to remember every day.

These are the apps I use the most on my phone. What apps do you love and use everyday? Let me know in the comments!

Executive Dysfunction Hacks for Exercise

As many of you know, I recently had surgery on my knee. The recovery is long and hard. I have to do exercises three times a day (which is hard when I’m alone with my littles). Here are some tips/hacks for remembering to exercise and actually exercise:

1. Make a plan. I try to think ahead to what I’m doing each week and what exercises I need to do. From there, I determine what times each day are best and just plan it all out. It doesn’t need to be on paper (although it might be good to have it written out) but it’s important to know what you’re doing and when.

My alarms on my phone right now, including times I take medicine as well as when I plan to exercise.

2. Set alarms. Once you have a plan, set alarms on whatever devices you have: Amazon Alexa, Fitbit watch, phone, alarm clock… whatever you use. This will remind you when you inevitably forget because you got distracted doing other stuff.

3. When the alarm goes off, stop what your doing (or get to a place where you can stop) and do it. For me, this means reminding myself if I don’t do it, it won’t get done, and reminding myself that if it doesn’t get done my goal will take even longer.

4. If number 3 doesn’t work: Find an accountability partner. I like to tell my husband what I’m going to do and when so he can remind me to do it. It also gives me someone to report to when I do it. Whether or not I actually need him isn’t the point for me. The point is having someone I feel like I need to update or being able to say I did it if he asks.

5. Body double. I haven’t done this one recently, but another good idea is having a body double for exercise. Find someone you can work out with or someone who can be doing something they need to do in the same room (or on the phone or video call or whatever works for you) at the same time you’re exercising. This is another way to hold yourself accountable. When I’m doing well and not healing from knee surgery, I like to exercise with my 3 year old. She loves doing yoga and ballet so we do it together and she reminds me. It works out perfectly for my needs.

Doing one of my PT exercises on July 5th.

Beyond all else, just get moving! Get up and walk a few steps everyone hour or two. Just be active in whatever way feels comfortable and fun to you. I hope these tips help, and I’d love to hear how you remind yourself to exercise and what tips/hacks you have for exercise!

Love, light, and prayers always.

Clarissa

Happy Independence Day

I’m trying something new for the month of July (and if it goes well, the rest of this year). I’m going to post twice a week and see how it goes. One thing I struggle with is follow through, and content creation. I can usually come up with ideas for posts, but sitting down and writing them (even though I love to write) can be difficult. Especially with two littles as a stay at home mom.

As yesterday was the 4th of July, here in the United States of America (where I live) we celebrate our Independence. This has always been a favorite holiday of mine. All the patriotism and the fireworks and spending time with my family… it was always a good time for me and I have many fond memories.

This past weekend, however, all I felt was sad. Sad about the way our country seems to be headed. I was so disappointed when I heard about the overturning of Roe V. Wade because this ruling is going to hurt (and possibly kill) so many people with uteruses, and hurt so many children as well. I firmly believe that whether a person has an abortion or not should be between their doctor and them. That’s it. If I were in the position where I was considering abortion, I’d be talking to my husband, praying to God, and talking to my doctor. No one else’s opinion should matter. Definitely not random people I don’t even know. But these laws being passed in states all over our country is doing just that, putting other people’s opinions over that of the person who is actually carrying a baby inside of them. This is the opposite of independence. It’s control.

I know I have friends and family who are happy about the overturning of this law, but I just can’t find it in me to be happy by this turn of events. I’m grateful that I live in a fairly liberal state, but I know so many people who live in states that are considering passing laws against abortion, and I’m seriously scared for anyone who lives in those states or even passes through them while pregnant.

I’m just feeling depressed with everything going on in the world right now, and had to share how I’m feeling. Get it out in writing. If your state is considering passing laws against abortion, I recommend you do your research, and then get out and vote! Do whatever you can to not let these laws pass! And I’ll be doing whatever I can from here.

Lots of love, light, and prayers.

Clarissa

Bullet Journaling

I don’t know about you, but I really struggle with remembering appointments and other important things. And I love writing my to-do lists down in a notebook.

That’s where bullet journaling comes in. I first started bullet journaling in 2016. I don’t remember how I discovered it, but I remember sitting in a quiet place on campus and watching a video about bullet journaling and making my first pages.

It was perfect for me: I got to customize it to my needs, and be creative with it.

Since then, I’ve introduced it to a few friends and helped them set up their first bullet journals. It’s really how I track everything that’s important to me. My own bullet journals have gone through many seasons of my life. I used it for two semesters of college, a few months as a teacher in Mexico, through my first couple jobs post-college, and now as a mom. My needs have changed, and as they’ve changed so has how I use my bullet journal.

So, I thought I’d share some of my favorite layouts in my current bullet journal, including my July layouts! Enjoy!

This is one of the first spreads I set up in each new journal. I write down the goals I have for the year, so I can look back on them often.

My reading tracker. I found the spread I followed for this one on Pinterest.

I love being creative with my cover pages for each month. Generally I find something I like on Pinterest and try to recreate it for my bullet journal.

This was a spread I made for April to track things I wanted to work on. For me, that was mainly things I tend to forget often. But I also tracked sleep.

This is my July monthly spread. I try to include appointments, birthdays, holidays, events, goals, and habits on this page. Plus a place for notes.

My weekly spread is just a simple page with space for my to-do list each day of the week. As a SAHM that is mainly chores, but occasionally phone calls as well.

Some tips I’ve learned over the years:

1. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You’re going to accidentally make an extra line or make something too small or too big. Embrace it. You’ll learn to be more careful, but you aren’t perfect and it’s okay to not have a perfect spread as long as it’s still functional for you.

2. Don’t be afraid to switch things up, even mid-month. I generally set my bullet journal up monthly. It usually takes me 2-3 hours one Sunday a month. But, I’m never afraid to make a change if it’s just not working for me for whatever reason, even if it’s the middle of the month and I already have all the pages set up for the month. Do what works for you!

3. Above all, make sure it’s functional for you! You’re the one using it everyday so you need it to work for you and for your brain! If you can’t sit down and make pretty bullet journal spreads like you see online, that’s okay! If you think the simple, minimalistic spreads some people make are too boring, that’s okay too! Find where you are comfortable bullet journaling and do it that way. I personally like a little bit of color, but I don’t have the time or patience for something super extensive. So I settle for a fun, creative month cover page each month, and then I go for simple with a little bit of color for the rest of my monthly pages. Do what works for you!

Happy Journaling!

Mental health is health

By Clarissa Enos Plagmann

I have so many ideas for blog posts, some half-written, some only vaguely thought of, that I struggle knowing what to post each week. I was tossing around a few ideas and started writing a couple this week, but then I was sitting here thinking about an experience I had this week, and the epiphany I just had about it.

So, as I posted last week, I had knee surgery last week. I’m supposed to be resting, I can only walk with crutches until my physical therapist says I’m good to walk with just a brace, I’m still in pain but it’s mostly controlled with over-the-counter pain medication. On top of all this, I’ve had depression as long as I can remember, which got worse each time I had a baby (and my youngest is only 8 months old, so not that long ago). I also have ADHD which makes my life difficult, and my 3 year old is a 3 year old, and there’s a lot that has changed the last 8 months so she is struggling as well.

For many reasons, we decided my husband would go back to work when I was 5 days post operation. We planned for people to be here to help me with the girls from the time he left for work until bedtime. I even planned for them to be here an hour later than when my oldest is usually in bed.

So, Tuesday rolls around, the day my husband is scheduled to go back to work. He scrambles to get everything ready for me and my helpers while I do what little I can. He leaves and shortly after, help arrives. All is great, E loves playing with them and she eats some of her snack. Then her Grandma (who I planned to help with dinner and bedtime routine) arrived. At first she was excited! Until she realized Grandma coming meant her new friends had to leave, and commence the screaming and crying. She loves people but hates change.

Once she calms down, she enjoys her time with Grandma, other than one or two small incidents. Then it’s time for her to go to bed and Grandma to leave. She’s not having it. I tell Grandma to go and plan to just let E and A lay in my bed next to me, and I feed A her bedtime bottle while E plays on her tablet next to me. E isn’t having that either. She’s in a space she doesn’t normally get to be in, with free reign. Mommy can’t do anything because her knee hurts and she can’t get out of bed.

Long story short, I broke down in tears and had to call my husband home to help. I felt terrible but I really couldn’t handle it.

Crying from the pain and everything else that’s going on in my head and in my life right now. 💕

The next day, I couldn’t stop thinking about how hard it was going to be when my husband went to work. I started feeling so anxious about going through all that again that I broke down crying and couldn’t stop. Everything was just too much.

He decided we’d figure things out and he’d stay home after all, but I just couldn’t stop feeling so bad. I just felt so weak because I couldn’t handle four nights a week watching our girls while he worked. I should be able to, right? Everyone else can. I just had knee surgery, it’s not like I can’t get around.

So, my epiphany, I saw a sticker the other day that said: “Mental health is health.” And that just stuck with me. I don’t have to feel bad that I can’t handle everything right now. I’m only one week out from surgery. They cut me open and reconstructed a whole ligament. I’m going to be in pain for awhile and I’m going to have to relearn how to walk and bend my knee and use my muscles in that leg. It’s not easy and it’s not going to be a quick and easy recovery. I also have depression and ADHD which both make everything so much harder. I struggle mentally and emotionally on a good day, when I’m healthy and strong and got lots of sleep. Right now I’m not healthy and strong and getting lots of sleep. And that’s okay. I need to focus on myself and my own health so I can eventually start taking care of my husband and girls again. But it’s going to take time and I don’t have to feel bad that he has to stay home to take care of me and the girls. That’s his job as my partner and their dad… to step up when I have to step down.

So, next time you feel bad because you’re not feeling well, even if it’s “all in [your] head” just remember: “Mental health is health.” Take care of yourself so you can get better and help the others in your life that you care about.

My page of quotes and inspirational words/phrases in my bullet journal

I Had Surgery!

Wow! Friday already! I’ve been trying to post every Thursday, but I had surgery on my knee yesterday. I kept telling myself I should write one and have it post automatically on Thursday, but it never happened. ADHD strikes again! 😅

I’m not even a full 24 hours out from surgery, but I’m doing well! Pain meds and ice therapy are keeping the pain under control. I’m already looking forward to physical therapy! I know it’ll be hard work, and I KNOW my ADHD will make it tough to stick to, but I’m already so ready to be able to walk again!

The next few months my blog posts here will probably revolve a lot around healing, physical therapy, and being a mom while doing all this. So hang on, it’s going to be a bumpy ride! 🥰

Completing Big Projects

By Clarissa Enos Plagmann

Something I really struggle with is finishing projects. I have no problem coming up with awesome projects to do, shopping for the supplies/doing the research, and starting the project… but the second it gets hard and I hit something, whether a small bump or brick wall, I lose interest and move on to the next cool idea.

Because of this, I have so many half done projects. As a writer this means I have a lot of partially written manuscripts but only one finished draft for a manuscript, and the only reason I finished that draft is because I was writing with a friend.

My current list of Projects I need to start/finish

One of the best ways of getting stuff done if you have ADHD is by body doubling. I had never heard of this before I joined a community of ADHD-ers, but I’ve been doing it for years not knowing what it’s called. In college this looked like going to the library where lots of other students were studying and choosing a quiet but noisy (I know, oxymoron) area of the library to study and do homework. It helped being around other students doing the same thing I was doing. As a writer, as I mentioned above, I enjoy writing with a friend. And, as a mom with lots of projects I’ve found that when I do them with my husband or with a friend, I get a lot more done.

I’ve found, the key for me, is to make things fun and different. If it’s something new and fun I’m more likely to get stuff done. Like listening and dancing to music while I do chores, or chatting with my friends while we craft, or watching a show or video while I workout.

So, the next time you plan a girls’ night and choose to do crafts, you could be body doubling without even realizing it! Just remember to have fun!

Working With My Brain

Something I’ve been working on a lot lately is making my home more user friendly, mainly for me. My purses and bags and jackets used to always end up on the floor in our entryway, literally leaning against the door to the hall closet where they belonged. And chores don’t get done because the list we have (which is great) is in the kitchen where only two or three of the chores we do often are at. Garbage and dishes end up on our counter just inside the kitchen because it’s a hassle opening the baby gate and walking into the kitchen, opening the cabinet door under the sink, opening the lid to the garbage can, and throwing trash away. The reason?

Executive Dysfunction.

“Executive dysfunction, which is also called executive function deficit or disorder, is when the brain has a hard time with the skills of attention, memory, flexible thinking, and organization/time management.” (Definition found on verywellmind.com).

This is very common in those with ADHD, Autism, and even Depression, and other learning disorders.

For me, it mainly affects my ability to get stuff done, like cooking, cleaning, organizing and keeping things organized, and doing things that need done like exercising, drinking water, eating, sleeping, making important phone calls or sending important emails, etc.

So, my goal is to make my home work for my brain rather than against it. I’ve been working on organizing things I use often in clear containers or containers with labels so I know what I have because I very much suffer from “out of sight, out of mind.”

For my bags and purses, when they did get put away, they ended up on the floor of the closet, so my husband and I put hooks in the closet on the wall, so I could hang my bags and purses up in there. My bags and purses still end up on the floor in the entryway, especially when I’m carrying my 7.5 month old in from the car or a walk, but eventually they end up on their hooks and it is working well for me and makes things 10x easier.

For my chores and self-care and exercises, etc. I am in the process of making charts for different rooms of the house. I’ll put them up in areas where I’ll see them often in the rooms I do them. For example, the bathroom chart will have things like: brush teeth, floss, take a bath, shower, sweep and mop, wash bathtub/shower, clean counter, clean toilet. The chart will be in a clear sheet protector meant to be use with dry erase markers and will have a dry erase marker attached so that when we do chores or other stuff we can mark them off so we know it has been done. The charts will be weekly so they’ll just be erased and started over again on Sundays. I’ll share photos when I make them and get them set up around the house.

I’m just starting, but as I do more small projects like these that help me to with making things more accessible for me, I will share them here!

What else would you like to see me write about, or share here? I’d love to know your thoughts! And how do you make your home accessible for you and your family members?