1. Practice Self-Care as a need rather than a want.
Self-care. It’s a phrase often used by bloggers and stay at home moms on social media these days. But what does it really mean?
Self-care is taking care of your mental and physical well-being. It can include things like taking a relaxing bath, meditating, working out, eating a healthy (or fun) snack, writing, reading, crafting… whatever makes you feel good! And when I say good, I want to stress how important this is: self-care should leave you feeling better after than you felt before.
A few months ago, in one of my sessions with my therapist, she asked me what I do to rejuvenate and take care of myself. Mostly, I just play video games and scroll facebook. Occasionally I read a book or work on my bullet journal. I’m fairly good about doing things I like that give me instant dopamine, because my ADHD brain craves dopamine so I tend to follow it, even if I don’t necessarily have the time. However, I’ve noticed a lot of times it’s not enough and doesn’t leave me feeling better afterward… I just end up craving more and more of it. But, when my self-care is truly rejuvenating like eating a healthy snack, working out, meditating, or reading a good book I end it feeling better than I did before. That’s how I know it was a good use of my self-care time. The other things like playing video games and scrolling facebook are fine, in moderation, but don’t work longer term for self-care for me (I want to stress that those things don’t work for me, but may work for you, and that’s okay!)
2. Set a cleaning schedule you will actually stick to.
I know, I know… in my last post about homemaking I said it wasn’t about housework… but, it does play a part in how we feel in our space, so I’m adding it here anyway. This is one aspect I struggle with so much. I shared my review of KC Davis’ book “How to Keep House While Drowning” awhile back. This book helped me so much with my expectations for my home and gave me practical tips for housework.
I think all the best homemakers have a good schedule they can stick to every day/week. My therapist recommended I write two lists of chores: Needs and Wants.
Under my needs list, I wrote chores that need to be done every day and every week, no matter what. Things like wiping the kitchen table at least once a day (more realistically, this happens after every meal), running a load of dishes through the dishwasher daily, and taking trash out once or twice a week (or as needed).
My wants list had chores I could get away with not doing as often as the needs. Like making the bed, mopping floors (except when my youngest drops food on the floor during meals), cleaning appliances often, etc.
She told me to write out the list with my husband, and then each day we would start with the chores on the needs list, and then if we have time or energy maybe work on one of the chores on the wants list. That way all the important stuff got done, and the other stuff gets done occasionally as I (or my husband) have time or energy.
3. Create a cozy and comfortable space where you feel at peace.
My favorite thing in the world for the last few years or so is to watch videos on interior decorating. I love all things hygge and minimal and cozy. I strongly believe a home should be a place where everyone can be themselves and express themselves however they need to. For me, this means my home should be the place where I (and my family) feel most at peace and comfortable.
I use interior decorating to make my home feel like an extension of my family. We have family pictures on our walls, and pictures that inspire us. We try to keep things neat and cleaned up so that we can get around easily and find comfy spots to sit. We have a ton of throw blankets in the living room, probably around two per person.
Even if you don’t have a home that you can decorate and move furniture around in or paint or whatever you would love to do but can’t… you can still create a peaceful space for yourself somewhere like your bed or bedroom, or whatever area you have control over.
Some tips: try adding cozy blankets or throws, stuff you collect, lamps with warm light, books you love or on subjects you love, lots of comfy pillows, your favorite colors (if you can’t paint, you can use wallpaper that easily comes off, or use decor or art to add some color), framed pictures of people, places, or things you love (like your family, pets, animals, landscape, etc).
4. Spend time with those who matter most to you.
All humans need and crave connection. We are social creatures, just all to varying levels. It’s important, as a homemaker, to make time to connect with those you love.
Have a game night or movie night. Make a favorite meal and eat it together. Go window shopping or go to the beach. Stay home and talk for hours. Whatever makes you (and your loved ones) happy. Just connect! A home isn’t a home without those you love.
What about you? How do you make your house a home? I’d love to hear below!
The Neurodivergent Homemaker 